From the Tribune …

On Saturday the White Sox will host “Faust Fest,” a celebration honoring longtime ballpark organist Nancy Faust, who is retiring at the end of the season. Faust has played at Sox home games since 1970. The first 10,000 fans will receive a Nancy Faust bobblehead. There also will be an on-field ceremony prior to the game.

I don’t KNOW of a White Sox game without her playing the organ, mostly cause she’s been doing it longer than I’ve been alive.

Those of you who know me VERY well are well aware I have enough drama and stress in my life to rival almost anyone. I think I manage to stay on a relatively even keel, in fact I like to think I lean toward the goofy fun loving side more than anything despite the chaos that seems to be all around me. Then there are the times where I feel every last bit of it and that keel is tossed and turned seemingly without mercy. I was thinking and I really made the analogy that I feel like a breakwater in a lake … sometimes things are calm and I’m happily sunning away and enjoying the day. Other times the waves are crashing down all over me and I seemingly have no relief in sight.

This evening is one of those nights. Oh, I know full well why I feel this way … that much is not a mystery. I suppose what still is the mystery to me is am I never to learn, will the same type things always get me feeling like this? Will I grow numb to the triggers or will it do it to me every time?

I ask because I’m torn … while it would be nice to avoid feeling as I do now, I believe that the highs of the good times would not quite be the same if I also wasn’t feeling the lows of the bad times. Am I odd? Am I normal? Do I care? I know the answer to the last question at least for now is no not really

I think I’m going to try and get some work done and see if I can get distracted enough to distract myself from my own thoughts … maybe that will help?

Its been a little over a week now, but I must inform the readers of this blog (who aren’t already facebook friends as you people have already seen this news) that my fuzzy little husky Sasha (seen here) passed away on Sunday afternoon 4/24. It was all very sudden it seemed to me. We had to take her into the vet for what I expected to be relatively minor issues that were in fact just late symptoms of something horribly wrong with her. I was feeling badly for her as she was in poor spirits and no energy the Friday night before our vet appointment on Saturday and spent a little time just petting her and trying to reassure her that she was going to be alright. I’m glad I did that in hindsight. It was the last quality time I would have with her. After a battery of tests and a nights stay in the vet the news just got worse and worse for her prognosis and we made the decision to have her put to sleep to end her suffering.

I was not surprised at how lousy I felt that whole weekend. I am surprised at how much of that feeling has lingered into this past week plus. I’ve had many pets, I’ve lost many pets. I don’t think that Sasha was the pet I felt the closest bond to (that would be Caramel my fuzzy little study buddy up there!) … but I have caught myself with several moments still of “oh I better let the dog in before we head to work” and things like that. Like all parts of my brain have not yet caught on to the fact that I don’t have to tend to her, or expect her to greet me at the door when we come home, or chase a skunk, or any of the other good things and bad things she would do. When I catch myself and have that little “oh yeah” moment I think about her more than I realized I would. I thought I was to the point where I was understanding what I was going to deal with when a pet died. Apparently I am wrong. I have to say its not an overwhelming feeling of sadness or anything, but every once in awhile I wish I could give her another pet of that soft red headed fur.

Thinking ahead to what I am thinking about writing, wanted to at least acknowledge how despite how the 2 posts I intend to write tonight may be similar, they are not in fact connected. With that, I invite you to read on