Those of you who know me VERY well are well aware I have enough drama and stress in my life to rival almost anyone. I think I manage to stay on a relatively even keel, in fact I like to think I lean toward the goofy fun loving side more than anything despite the chaos that seems to be all around me. Then there are the times where I feel every last bit of it and that keel is tossed and turned seemingly without mercy. I was thinking and I really made the analogy that I feel like a breakwater in a lake … sometimes things are calm and I’m happily sunning away and enjoying the day. Other times the waves are crashing down all over me and I seemingly have no relief in sight.

This evening is one of those nights. Oh, I know full well why I feel this way … that much is not a mystery. I suppose what still is the mystery to me is am I never to learn, will the same type things always get me feeling like this? Will I grow numb to the triggers or will it do it to me every time?

I ask because I’m torn … while it would be nice to avoid feeling as I do now, I believe that the highs of the good times would not quite be the same if I also wasn’t feeling the lows of the bad times. Am I odd? Am I normal? Do I care? I know the answer to the last question at least for now is no not really

I think I’m going to try and get some work done and see if I can get distracted enough to distract myself from my own thoughts … maybe that will help?